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the inherent horor of being trans is knowing you are the single touchstone a cis person will probably ever have

im reminded of when i went to sit my philosophy exam and had an ex-officer as an invidulator. he asked me if i was trans, something i had no obligation to answer. but if i didnt, i would be cagey. i would now paint an image of all trans people being rude in his mind, so i said yes

that invidulator asked me why, as a trans student, i should have my rights respected if there are so few of us

and instead of rightfully getting pissed off, i had to remember that i am currently representing a community of millions to a single man in a room with just the two of us in it. i could be the deciding factor on how he conducts behaviour with trans people in the future. what if he gets called to invidulate again in 20 years time and has another trans student? what if he remembers the one he met before, and instantly assumes he knows our community?

so i explained to him why i should have rights. and i used my words carefully, because if i slip up even once i have now put a trans person in danger, because he has made a choice based on me

trans people dont get to be angry. cis people always joke about how we demand a space, or we demand the right name, or we demand they bow down to us

think very carefully, did that trans woman demand that you use the right name, or did she correct you? did that trans man hold you at gunpoint, demanding you let him piss in public, or did he look like he wanted to use the disabled toilet to avoid bothering you all together. did the nonbinary trans person have you on your knees begging for forgiveness, or did they ask nicely for you to be mindful of their pronouns?

the transphobic narrative is one of victimhood, meanwhile if i even use the wrong tone cis people will act as a child does, and they will demand that the next trans person they meet apologise

every trans person you meet is aware of this too. we’re all very tuned into the fact that we are ambassadors, and that we never asked to be that. i dont want to have to very carefully consider ‘will a curt answer mean someome later dies’, but every day of my life i do

and cis people need to know that. to be trans is to literally walk on constant eggshells of cis fragility. its why when we see a new trans celebrity we have to desperately hope they dont do stupid fucking shit like caitlyn jenner did. because now everyone thinks trans women are like her. because now negotiations for our right to exist unmolested have gone back another 20 years

and tbh, cis people are pathetically weak. a trans person asked you to use the right name? that did not happen in a vacuum. that trans person has met 50-60 cis people today who refused

and guess what? we get tired too

noromodragon:

renamok:

This really hit home, and there are many types of families in the world. It would be great if more people could realize that. 

anastrophilesworld:

neocores:

fellas is it gay to be gay

according to historians? no.

webcomicname:

hundondestiny:

hundondestiny:

you can have long hair and b butch pass it along.

this isn’t abt uwu feminine women can be butch or me as a bi woman trying to undermine lesbians in any way. it’s abt the lack of consideration for women who subvert or reject femininity without cutting their hair. i have seen here n on like twitter (gag) convos about how you can’t “really” be butch unless you cut your hair.

the idea that you HAVE to cut your hair to be butch is an extremely white one. butches of color don’t have to divorce themselves from their culture or the importance of their hair to their personhood in order to b validly butch.

the idea that long hair = womanly/feminine is very white. there are so many cultures of color where long hair is not gendered. there are cultural and religious traditions where cutting hair is not common, if not outright discouraged. there are hairstyles that are revered or culturally important that wouldn’t be possible with short hair. there’s a litany of meaningfulness in hair. everyone has different relationships with their hair, and that’s an individual, personal relationship that cannot be defined by anyone else.

like the majority of Black lesbians i know, especially those who ID as butch or studs, don’t have short hair. braids, locs, fros, slicked back ponytails, etc. are very common. and i would truly pity the fool who tried to tell them they aren’t being properly butch.

like… ppl rlly need to be mindful of the cultural implications of what they consider to be “universal” or essential attributes to an identity. race and culture are always intertwined with other identities. if you’re only looking at a white perspective, you are leaving so many ppl out.

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here’s a little comic about taking out your insecurities on others, positive outlets, and forgiveness :3c